My Point . . . and I Do Have One

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Before I get to today's book I want to talk about me . . . what a shock and such a departure from how I'm going to talk about me while discussing today's book.

A fellow blogger, Loree ( has tagged my site, which means that I'm supposed to list 6 weird things about myself. Generally I include at least three weird things about myself in every blog entry, so making a list of six should be a piece of cake (oh cake, not a bad idea). Six weird things, please, I could do that blind folded with one hand tied behind my back - and to prove my point I'm going to close my eyes and type this with only one hand:

1. gidr rehsye - (Well, okay, so maybe the blindfolded part was a bit of an exaggeration - but I can still do this with one hand tied behind my back.)

1. I spend ridiculous amounts of time looking at (Okay, typing those eight words took me about 10 times longer than is should have, and I'm burning daylight here, so I'm going back to typing with both hands. But, I wanted it noted on the record, that I could make this list with one hand tied behind my back if I really wanted to) - back to what I was saying . . . I spend way too much time looking at gift registries of random strangers. I look at registries of people I know too, but at least that behavior falls somewhere in the realm of normal. The weird part lies in my fascination with registries of people I don't even know. It's just so interesting to see people register for a toy to hook to the stroller that they forgot to register for, and then come back two days later (after what I assume was a phone call from one of their relatives saying, "So what are you going to do with the stroller toys considering you have no stroller.") and finally register for that stroller. I spend enough time doing this that it could qualify as a hobby.

2. I was about 23 before I figured out the correct way to pronounce Reverend Al Sharpton's name (I think you can see I was working on this list while watching the news). I heard the name mentioned on TV shows when I was a child, but most people say his name in such a way that the Reverend and Al part all kind of blurs together and comes out sounding like Reverenel. I remember hearing that at the age of about 10 and thinking, "Reverenel. That's the strangest first name I've ever heard." I'm sad to say I didn't realize my own mistake until long past the point when I should have. I do this with song lyrics all the time, and I usually end up disappointed when I find out the real lyrics, and I stubbornly go on singing the song my way anyway. I started to feel really stupid about not having realized that one sooner - but, after consulting with my sister, I'm reminded of how I had to explain the expression "Nothing to write home about" to her just last year (when she was 26). She thought that it was "nothing to ride home about." When I told her it wasn't, she briefly admitted that it made more sense as write, but now she has gone back to insisting that "ride home" makes perfect sense.

3. I hate calling the hotline on the side of the box when something of mine is broken. I'm always convinced that the person who answers the hotline is going to judge me for not knowing how to operate whatever it is of mine that's broken - and then they'll think I'm a complete idiot who should have read Consumer Reports before buying whatever it is I'm calling about. The fact that they spend all day long talking to people who have broken stuff doesn't seem to dampen my concern.

4. When I'm driving and I realize that I'm going the wrong direction, I refuse to turn around in some one's driveway. The reason for my refusal is that I'm always worried that I will accidentally pull into the driveway of a really lonely person (whose heartless family never comes to visit them) and that they will get really excited when they see the car, and then be so disappointed when they realize it's just a person who was going to the wrong direction. I don't want to be responsible for bringing that kind of disappointment into some one's life. - I'm not sure how odd the other items I've put on the list are, but I know this one is weird because every time I tell this to someone else they give me a blank stare and say, "You are so weird."

5. I love cartoons - and not just the ones that are somewhat respectable like Simpsons (and by respectable I mean a cartoon that was created with adults in mind) - I love to watch Franklin, Little Bear, Rugrats, All Grown Up, The Peanuts, The Berenstain Bears - and then of course the classics: Jetsons and the Flinstones. I used to work as a nanny so I had a built in excuse for watching cartoons, I could tell myself, "I'm watching this for the sake of the children. I have to monitor what they're watching to make sure it's not inappropriate." But then I lost my excuse - and it still hasn't stopped me from kicking back every now and then to an episode of The Berenstain Bears. My favorite episode is the one where Brother and Sister Bear go to camp (I laughed. . . I cried . . . I grew as a person).

6. My use of silverware, plates, cups, and bowls could best be described as unconventional. I eat cereal out of cup and popcorn with a spoon - I've even eaten a candy bar with a knife and fork from time to time. This weird little habit did come in handy when I was a nanny, because I discovered that the kids would try all kinds of healthy food if it's fed to them in a weird way (brown rice out of cup, fruit out of a giant serving bowl, cereal eaten with a fork - kids love novelty. They would also eat anything if it was served to them on a platter with a toothpick in it).

Now on to today's book -

My Point . . . and I Do Have One won the "What Will Angie Read Today" contest by a landslide (and by landslide I mean that it got 3 more votes than the other books did).

The description for today's book; "Ellen DeGeneres shares her hilarious take on everything from our most baffling human foibles–including how we behave in elevators, airplanes, and restrooms, and why we’re so scared of the boogeyman–to fashion trends, celebrity, and her secret recipe for Ellen’s Real Frenchy French Toast. Most of all, this witty, engaging book offers insights into the mind of one of America’s most beloved comics.…"

I love the chapter titles. Here are my two favorites; A Letter to a Friend or A Frog in a Sombrero Does Not a Party Make, I Went to a Psychic or Baloney is Just Salami with an Inferiority Complex.

Favorite Excerpts -

  • While discussing the bird psychiatrist she employs for her bird; "You just call him up on the phone, tell him what's bothering your bird, and he tells you how to deal with it. He's a lot cheaper than an actual psychiatrist - no pun intended - so sometimes I call him up with one of my problems and pretend that it's one of my bird's problems. 'Well my bird is thinking about starting a new relationship. The problem is that this other bird reminds him of somebody else, somebody who hurt him in a previous relationship. My bird had been rejected and didn't take it well. He drank a lot of fermented seed juice and didn't go out much for a long time. And when he did, he took out his pain on other birds."
  • After consulting with a psychic; "The bad news, though, was that I was going to have to sit down and actually write the book. I was kind of hoping that elves would come in the middle of the night while I was sleeping and write a best-seller for me; the psychic told me that though this wasn't impossible (she claimed one or two of Danielle Steel's books were written this way) in my case it was highly unlikely."

I guess that elves thing would explain the inconsistencies in her books - suddenly it all makes sense how one of the characters in Heartbeat had been divorced for 10 years at the beginning of the book and then by the end it had only been eight. Those elves have really got to start consulting with one another.

Tomorrow I'll be unveiling the winner of the "What 80's TV Star's Biography Is Angie Going to Read Today" Contest.