Don't Stand Too Close to a Naked Man

Monday, May 11, 2009

Today was a much easier reading day than yesterday. I only had three things to do: make my Dad breakfast for his birthday (he resisted the idea of breakfast in bed because he likes to have a table to rest his elbows on), read the book, and write this entry. I made his favorite, Campfire breakfast, a meal that he loves despite how gross it looks (so you can get a mental image of it: it's a mixture of sausage, onions, red pepper and hash browns with a couple of eggs scrambled right into the dish - it ends up looking like a meal that's already been digested, but he likes it).

I wanted to read a special book in honor of his birthday, and since I've already read several Disney-related books I decided to give it a rest and read about one of his other interests. His other interests are: meat, sleeping, and TV - so naturally, I decided to go with TV. Home Improvement is one of his favorite TV shows - although, he was unable to narrow it down to one clear favorite and instead said, "Oooh there's so many to choose from." I wonder where I got my TV habits from, hmmmmmm.

And now I think it's time for a "Favorite things about Dad" list, in honor of his birthday:

  • When I was in elementary school he came on every field trip. At that time (the mid-80's) none of the Dads from my class would go on the field trips, so it would end up being 90 kids, 3 teachers, 5 Moms, and my Dad. I loved it when he came on field trips because then I would get to be in his group, otherwise known as "the fun group." Unlike the teacher's group, we weren't expected to learn stuff or behave really well, we only had to comply with Dad's minimum standard of good behavior - which roughly translates to, "Don't do anything that would cause them to throw us out."

  • He never takes himself too seriously. Basically, he's like a really tall eight year old who just happens to have a house, a job, and a car. I've always been glad that I didn't have one of those serious, boring, uptight kind of Dad's.

  • He knows how to fix, and build, everything. Need a set of bookshelves? Done. A baseball diamond complete with dugouts? He'll get right on it. A basement dug by hand out from under the house that you're living in? He'll have it done by next February.

  • He's still totally, completely in love with my Mother - which I found kind of disgusting when I was a teenager (particularly that time when I found them making out at my 16th Birthday party), but now I think it's wonderful. Lots of people stay together for 38 years, but not everyone is still in love, and I'm so glad that they are.

  • When I was a child, he used to take my brother, sister and me on day trips to Chicago and Indianapolis to go to museums. My Mother hates museums, so she stayed home. But he loves them - and I learned to love them too, in large part because of him. And so, to this day, whenever I walk into a museum I feel just a little bit like an eight year old again (of course I feel a little bit like an eight year old no matter where I go, so that's not really saying much).

Okay, I'm done boring you all with a list about someone you don't even know. Thank you once again dear readers, for indulging me in my little trip off the book path.

Today's book; "Part humor book, part autobiography, and an explanation of why men are different from women--this is Tim Allen at his funniest." - (I think that just might be the shortest book description I've ever put up - but I probably don't even need to put up a description for autobiographies since it's pretty self-explanatory.)

Favorite things about this book:

Favorite sentence: "So much is happening to guys today, from the women's movement to changing social values to the demise of the Sears catalog." (The Sears catalog, oh that takes me back. I think the day they stopped sending it was the day the 80's officially died.)

Favorite Chapter title: Chapter 4: The Eddie Haskell Syndrome (I just love any book the mentions Leave it to Beaver - and now of course, I have the theme song stuck in my head, and for once I'm not annoyed to have a song stuck in my head, although I am having to fight off the urge to go stand on the front porch and wave while wearing an apron.")

Favorite Passage: The Leave it to Beaver references continue; "To deal with the stress, some of us developed split personalities: half model citizen, half hooligan. In other words, we become Eddie Haskells. I was an Eddie Haskell. With my friends' parents, I was the model kid they wished their kids would be. I made their brood look pitiful. "Don't you look nice today, Mrs. Cleaver. That's an interesting tool, Mr. Cleaver." But when friends folks were away, I became Tim, the instigator, forcing those same kids to buy beer. "Okay, Beav, they'll be back about ten o'clock. Now go get me a gun and some brown liquor and see if you can find two loose women."

Overall, today's book was a fun, quick read. It wasn't the greatest book I've ever read in my life, but it was entertaining enough to spend a day on. And reading today's book taught me a very important lesson: Always be careful about what words you type into a search engine. The search engine seemed to be a little confused by the words "naked man" in the title and assumed that I wanted to look at porn.