Autobiography of a Fat Bride

Monday, March 9, 2009

The number of visitors to the blog has increased over the last few days so I just wanted to welcome all the new readers. Thank you so much for stopping by and checking out the blog. And I notice that I've gained a few new followers as well. Thank you for deciding to stick around awhile. I really appreciate all of the readers, new and old, who have taken the time to come here and support the blog. Thanks.

Today's book; "In Autobiography of a Fat Bride, Laurie Notaro tries painfully to make the transition from all-night partyer and bar-stool regular to mortgage with plumbing problems and no air-conditioning. Laurie finds grown-up life just as harrowing as her reckless youth, as she meets Mr. Right, moves in, settles down, and crosses the toe-stubbing threshold of matrimony."

I picked today's book because it had an odd title - and boy do I need to come up with a better reason for picking out books than that, because as it turns out choosing a book just because it has a really tacky title didn't turn out so well for me today. I have no idea why this continues to surprise me, but I just keep holding out hope that one of these days I'm going to break the streak - which basically makes me the reading equivalent of Pamela Anderson who just keeps expecting the fifth and sixth and seventh reunion with Tommy Lee to be the charm. Despite today's failure I'm still holding out a tiny bit of hope that the book I Love You Like a Tomato that's sitting in my to-read stack will somehow be different from all the others.

The book was intended to be humorous but there were only one part that I found amusing (not even laughing out loud funny, just kind of amusing). I think the author was trying too hard to show us how she can put the fun in dysfunctional. Now I enjoy a good "I'm kind of weird" story, and I've certainly told more than a few of those kind of stories in past blog entries - but I don't enjoy "Isn't it cute how totally screwed up I am" stories - and this book fell into the later category. I'll put an excerpt up of the one sort of amusing part of the book so you can save yourself the trouble of having the read the whole book - the author is talking about how her family has changed now that her nephew has been born; "As soon as he struts through the door, the atmosphere changes. Every member of the family becomes a servant, footman, lady-in-waiting, all eager to serve our thirty-three pound master. "You require someone to fetch your chocolate milk, sir? Pick me! Pick me!" He'll tell us where to sit, mutely pointing at a couch, a chair, or if you're angered the Little King, the floor. You can be banished for simply sitting in the wrong place, talking to him without being addressed first, or merely suggesting that it isn't particularly a good idea to rub purple Play-Doh into my mother's beige carpeting."

The chapters dealing with the author's wedding were so over-the-top tacky that they reminded me of that show My Big Redneck Wedding - which is a show that is so vulgar, tasteless, and totally devoid of any substance that I'm almost embarrassed to admit it (although clearly not embarrassed enough to avoid mentioning it on a public blog). Have you ever watched that show dear readers? If not, here's a brief summary: It's a show that is about real-life weddings that are so tacky and tasteless it'll make your jaw drop. I watched one episode - and I believe it will always be etched in my mind as my television low point - a show so bad it made me think, What is missing from my life that I find this a valuable use one my time. I knew it was time to reevaluate my incredibly low TV standards when I realized that the most tasteful part of the episode was the Hot Pockets that were served at the wedding reception. I normally consider Hot Pockets sheer perfection, second only to those Oreos that are dipped in mint chocolate, but even I have my limits and serving Hot Pockets at a wedding is where I firmly draw the line. So, even though I didn't find today's book particularly entertaining, it did remind me once again of why writing this blog is important; because it's takes up 6 or 7 hours out of my day that I would otherwise be spending on really trashy TV that would probably end up rotting my brain (it's not a lofty reason for writing a blog, but I guess I could have worse reasons).