One Night, Two Babies

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Suggestion Saturday has been suspended today so that I could do a special entry in honor of my Mom's birthday. Since today is Mom Wetzel's birthday, I decided to let her pick the book. It's also time for the "Things I Like About Mom List." I made a list for my Dad's birthday, and I certainly wouldn't want Mom to think that I'm playing favorites.

1. When I was in elementary school she would wake us up for school in the morning by reciting what we could have for breakfast. The options were the same every day and yet there was something so comforting about hearing, "Cheerios. . . Froot Loops. . . Toast. . . Waffles. . . Donuts." Yes that's right, she would let me eat donuts for breakfast because the said they had the same amount of sugar in them as cereal like Froot Loops, so if I'm going to eat the same amount of sugar either way, I might as well eat something good. And then she would stand on the front porch as I was getting onto the school bus and wave like a sitcom Mom from the 50s.

2. She left a note in my lunchbox every day of elementary school, written on a napkin, that would either have a happy face and the words "Have a Happy Day" or a stick person who was crying and above the person she would write "I Miss You." At Christmas time she would draw pictures of Christmas trees and presents with a countdown at the bottom "2 Days Until Christmas Break and 6 Days Until Christmas."

3. She walks around saying things like "If I ever stop wanting things, I want to die because there's no point in even being alive." A casual observer would think the "things" she was referring to were dreams and aspirations. But no, she's talking about material possessions. She keeps a list of things she wants, and loves to recite her list the way I used to walk around the house reciting my Christmas list when I was a child. It's just part of the Mom-ness that is Mom.

4. She's a human gift registry. A person can tell her they like something in March and it will appear under the Christmas tree in December. She also somehow manages to buy those things while the person she's buying them for is still in the room.

5. When I was 11, I desperately wanted to dress up like Laura Ingalls Wilder, but since the costume makers don't seem to understand what a great demand there is for Laura Ingalls Wilder costumes for young children, there were no costumes like that available and so one had to be made. So my Mother, with my Aunt's help, spent several weeks making a costume for me, even though she really, really hates to sew.

Today's book, "Heiress Arielle Garnier was pregnant and the father-to-be was nowhere in sight--until he barged into her office. Zach Forsythe, billionaire resort owner, was the same man she'd had a week-long affair with. How could she trust Zach when he'd lied about his name and left her without a word?He hadn't forgotten the auburn-haired siren who'd given him seven days of bliss. Though finding her again...expecting his twins...was a surprise. As was her refusal of his marriage proposal. It seemed Arielle wanted love with her wedding ring."

Trashy thoughts:

  • I let my Mother pick today's book, which naturally means a "Romance" novel since those are the only kind of books she likes to read. She narrowed it down to a stack of books, and then she let me pick from the stack. Naturally, I had to read today's book after seeing the title. How could I turn away from a book with a title as ridiculous as One Night, Two Babies - I just couldn't. And the book turned out to be just as ridiculous as the title. But there is something oddly relaxing about getting to read a book that is mindless, shallow, and devoid of all merit - which makes it the closest thing to a reading break that I will get this year. So I sat down to read, turned off my brain, and enjoyed my reading vacation.

  • I spent the day with my Mother and the rest of the family, at Shipshewana. Ahh, there's nothing like reading a trashy romance novel while surrounded by Amish people. Amish country is probably the only place on earth I can go to and be the most scandalous person for miles around, so I decided to just enjoy the irony of the moment.

  • It's always amusing to read a romance novel where someone gets pregnant by a one night stand, because the author spends most of the book jumping through hoops in order to try to convince the readers that having a one night stand with someone whose name you don't even know is wholesome, reasonable, and tasteful. So the book was filled with excuses, and desperate justifications that rival those coming from the parent of a really bratty child, but instead of He was just overtired and he didn't eat his breakfast very well, it was more like He was going through a rough time in his life, and she was taken in by his charm and got confused.

  • I discovered while reading this book, which was about the fourth or fifth trashy romance novel I've read in my life, that I imagine the characters looking exactly the same way no matter how the book describes the characters. I figure if the author is going to be too lazy to veer from the formula and actually write a new story, then I'm not going to bother to veer from the mental image I use for all of the other trashy romance novels I read.

I would only recommend today's book to people who a) really, really love romance novels or b) really, really enjoy mocking romance novels.